


Must Be Love on the Brain

by iwillnotbecaged



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack, Fluff, M/M, Not Captain America: The Winter Soldier Compliant, Post-Avengers (2012), Trans Male Character, Trans Sam, just a bit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-26
Updated: 2017-11-06
Packaged: 2019-01-23 08:22:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12503076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwillnotbecaged/pseuds/iwillnotbecaged
Summary: Steve Rogers was the luckiest son of a bitch on the planet, and he knew it.Other people might question that reality — they might point to the whole thing where he spent the first 23 years of his life suffering from a laundry list of medical issues, or how he struggled through the Depression, or how he got frozen for 60-something years and woke up to find out everyone he knew was dead or dying.But those other people didn’t know that he was dating Sam Wilson.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Huge, huge, HUGE thanks to [gothlumberjack](http://gothlumberjack.tumblr.com/), [tetrodotoxinb](http://tetrodotoxinb.tumblr.com/), and [barisax-prophet](http://barisax-prophet.tumblr.com/) for their invaluable comments and advice. If any of the handwavey plot bits bother you, blame me and not them.
> 
> Also, shout out to [yawpkatsi](http://yawpkatsi.tumblr.com/) for the Project Runway info
> 
> Inspired by [this post](http://i-will-not-be-caged.tumblr.com/post/162025266831/writing-prompt-s-youve-been-dating-your-partner)

Steve Rogers was the luckiest son of a bitch on the planet, and he knew it.

Other people might question that reality — they might point to the whole thing where he spent the first 23 years of his life suffering from a laundry list of medical issues, or how he struggled through the Depression, or how he got frozen for 60-something years and woke up to find out everyone he knew was dead or dying.

But those other people didn’t know that he was dating Sam Wilson.

And while he wouldn’t go so far as to say that dating Sam made up for all of the shit he’d been through in his life, it definitely made him incredibly grateful for the good luck he was currently enjoying.

He had first seen Sam during his early morning jog in Central Park, but it wasn’t until a few weeks later that he had actually worked up the nerve to talk to him. He had gone into Starbucks to get away from everything for a few hours, doing his best to be incognito with a plain gray shirt, his leather jacket, a baseball cap, and sunglasses. 

He just so happened to end up in line behind another man wearing a leather jacket, a baseball cap, and sunglasses. When he turned to the side after ordering, Steve realized it was the man he had seen jogging in the park and decided that this was his chance to say something. He had travelled the country in tights and punched Nazis in the face; surely he could have a conversation with an attractive man.

He finished ordering and stepped next to him to wait for his drink. He pulled off his sunglasses, willing to risk being recognized in order to not look like a asshole. 

(Natasha had been very clear that only assholes wore sunglasses inside. He had chosen not to mention that she had said this while wearing sunglasses inside.)

“Um, nice outfit,” he said, gesturing between the two of them.

The man looked at him, looked down at himself, and laughed. His laugh made all of the butterflies in Steve’s stomach flutter. 

“It appears to be the uniform of the day, doesn’t it?” the man said, taking off his sunglasses, too.

“Trust me, my uniform is a lot flashier than this.” So much for staying incognito. “Steve Rogers.”

He offered his hand and the other man paused, tilting his head curiously. Then he smiled and shook Steve’s hand. 

“Sam Wilson.”

Steve was too busy getting lost in the small gap between Sam’s teeth to realize he was holding on to his hand for an awkwardly long time. He finally let go when the barista called Sam’s name and he had to step away.

Steve rubbed the back of his neck, sure that he was blushing like crazy. He watched as Sam chatted with the barista, who seemed much more eager to engage in conversation than he normally saw. Sam must be a regular or something. His drink was up next and before he could figure out a way to keep the conversation going, Sam did it for him.

“You got somewhere to be?”

“Uh, no. No, I don’t.”

“I could use a bit of conversation. You wanna grab a table?”

Steve grinned. “I’d love to.”

They settled into a couple of chairs in the back corner, out of the way of most of the foot traffic.

“So, Steve...what do you do?”

Sam looked casual; was it possible that he’d missed the reference to Steve’s uniform? Or didn’t recognize his name?

“Well, I’m part of an elite special forces team specializing in quick and flexible crisis response.” He sipped his coffee and did his best to maintain a straight face.

Sam narrowed his eyes, then laughed that laugh again. This time it was louder and he threw his head back, exposing the line of his neck and giving Steve all kinds of ideas. “Well, I guess they’re right about you being honest, although that’s not quite what I expected, Captain.”

Ah, so he did know. And apparently his question had been some kind of a test; Steve was pretty sure he had passed. “Please, call me Steve. The title is...just call me Steve.”

“Okay, Steve. I can do that.”

Steve was just about to ask what Sam did when his phone buzzed. He checked it quickly, hoping it was just Natasha sending him another cat video he _had_ to watch, but it was actually a mission.

“Sorry, Sam. Duty calls.” He stood up, and Sam stood with him.

“No worries. I know how it is.”

“Um, I’m not sure when I’ll get back, but when I do, could I, um, could I call you?” He felt like an idiot, but he knew if he didn’t ask he would regret it.

Sam gave him that curious look again. “Sure. I’d like that a lot. I’m out of town a lot for my current project, but hopefully we can get our schedules to line up, hang out again.”

They had exchanged numbers, and then Steve had gone to see what ridiculous thing he was going to be fighting that day. They texted back and forth while Steve was in the field, but it was pretty sporadic until Steve was on his way back. 

The mission had been pretty straightforward and the team had worked well together, even if most of them had ended up covered in slime. On the way back in the quinjet, Steve took a quick selfie making his best exasperated face and sent it to Sam.

“Steve, you’re all about justice — back me up here.” Tony got his attention, pulling him away from staring at his phone waiting for a response, which was probably a good thing.

“Huh?”

“Timothy Westbrook still being on _Project Runway_ is a crime against humanity! And taste! He’s boring and gimmicky and his clothes are terrible. It’s bullshit and a gross miscarriage of justice!”

Steve blinked at Tony. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“What!? How do you...it’s been all over the internet!” Tony spluttered.

“Sorry.” Steve shrugged, and Tony went back to arguing with Bruce.

Natasha came over and sat near him. “Do you purposefully avoid pop culture just to annoy him?”

“No, it’s not that. I’m mostly caught up on major historical events and that kind of thing, but the cultural stuff takes a lot longer. I’m still working my way through the 70s right now, so I don’t waste time trying to pay attention to things that might not even matter two months from now.”

Natasha nodded and leaned back in her seat.

“Of course,” Steve added casually, “annoying Tony is an excellent side effect.”

She smirked and held her hand out for a fist bump. Steve obliged. His phone buzzed in his pocket finally and he took it out to check the message.

Sam: _I’m impressed with your selfie skills_

Steve: **She made me learn**

He snapped a picture of Natasha, who stuck her tongue out at the camera, and sent it to Sam.

Sam: _Tell her she did a good job_

“Who are you texting?” Natasha asked, suddenly right next to him and peering over his shoulder. He blacked out the screen, hopefully before she saw anything.

“A friend.” Natasha just raised an eyebrow. Steve rolled his eyes at her. “I have friends.”

“Uh huh. Sure you do.” He hoped she would let it go, but he should have known better. “Where’d you meet this friend?”

“Didn’t I tell you? I joined a barbershop quartet. We’re really good.” Thankfully, they landed then, and he had an excuse to walk away and not answer any more questions.

 

Steve was only home for a day, and then it was Sam’s turn to be out of town; a few days later, he woke up to a return selfie from him. It had been sent at a little after two in the morning, and was captioned “SO SO TIRED.” Sam did look tired in the picture, most of his face in shadow, nondescript trees and lights in the background.

Steve sent a picture of his coffee back.

They continued that way until Sam got back, then met up for coffee again. Coffees turned to drinks turned to dinners, and a few weeks later Steve found himself with an amazing boyfriend and an inability to stop smiling.

It was freaking Natasha out.

“Seriously, Steve, what’s going on?” 

“Fuck, Natasha!” She flopped down next to him on his couch. He hadn’t even heard her come in. 

“And don’t give me that shit about a barbershop quartet — four-part harmonies don’t make people blush and giggle when they look at their phone.”

Steve recovered from the shock and tucked his phone in his pocket. “I did not giggle.”

“JARVIS,” Natasha said. “Play back the video of Steve looking at his phone just now.”

“Certainly,” said the voice from the ceiling that Steve still found a little disconcerting. The video played on his TV, and okay, maybe he had giggled a little bit. It wasn’t his fault — it was impossible not to giggle when Sam sent him videos of his niece in her Princess Captain America outfit “saving” her stuffed animals from the bad guys (her brother’s dinosaur figurines).

“I told you, I made a friend. It’s not a big deal.”

“A friend? Or a friend with benefits?” Natasha waggled her eyebrows at him. “Wait, do I need to explain friend with benefits?”

Steve sighed. “No, I’m pretty sure Tony covered that one when he was telling me everything I really didn’t need to know about his personal life.”

Natasha smirked. “I love that he still thinks he and Rhodey are just friends with benefits.”

“Right? I’ve done friends with benefits, and that is definitely not what they’re doing.”

“Wait, what?” Natasha actually looked shocked, and Steve gave himself a mental high-five for managing to surprise her. “You had a friend with benefits? And didn’t tell me?”

“I mean, we didn’t call it that, but Bucky and I were friends and helped each other out occasionally. I didn’t exactly have women lining up back then, and sometimes that was easier than risking going out if there had been raids recently.”

Natasha tilted her head and studied him. “You know, you’re a lot more interesting than the history books make you sound.”

Steve gave her a self-satisfied smile. “I know.”

“Don’t think I haven’t noticed how you’ve changed the subject, though.” Steve leaned back on the couch and looked up at the ceiling, exasperated. “Who have you been texting with the past few weeks?”

“If I tell you, are you gonna be all creepy and stalk them?”

“Probably,” she said, shrugging. Well, at least she was honest.

He figured he might as well tell her; it would be easier than dealing with her snooping around until she found it.

“Okay, fine, I’ve been seeing someone.”

Natasha scooted closer and sat forward, eager. “Tell me everything.”

It still surprised Steve how comfortable Natasha appeared when it was just them, no one else around. He knew that some of it was still an act, the way she tried to make him feel more at ease, but he was flattered by her trust in him all the same.

“His name is Sam, we met at Starbucks, we’ve been going out for a couple of months, and that’s all I’m telling you.”

“How’s the sex?”

Steve gave her a flat look. “And that’s all I’m telling you.”

“Well, I had to try. What does he do?”

Steve considered. “I’m not sure, really. We don’t talk about work much. He was out of town a lot for a project when we first met; maybe something with the military.”

Natasha tilted her head. “Why military?”

“Well, I know he served before — we talked a bit about that. I guess I just kind of assumed, especially since it doesn’t seem like he can tell me a lot of details about it.”

“Huh. You have a picture?”

Steve scrolled through his phone and found the selfie they had taken together the week before when they had gotten take-out and eaten it on Sam’s couch while binging _The X-Files_ (Sam had convinced him to skip to the 90s for TV at least).

Natasha took his phone and examined the picture. He thought he saw her eyes narrow briefly, but the expression was gone before he was sure. “He’s cute.”

“That’s it?” Steve had expected a bit more of a reaction than that. And Sam was definitely more than just cute.

She shrugged. “Well, he is. And you guys look happy. Nice work.”

Steve chuckled. “Thanks. I like him a lot.” He gazed down at the picture, thinking about how fun that night had been. They had stayed up way too late, sitting on opposite ends of the couch with their feet tangled together in the middle, talking about all kinds of random things. Being around Sam was like laying on a blanket in the grass under a warm sun. 

When he looked up, Natasha was still staring at him. “What?”

“Nothing,” she said, standing up. “Want to go spar?”

Steve grinned. “Absolutely.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to my wonderful, wonderful beta readers - gothlumberjack, tetrodotoxinb, and barisax-prophet - for your invaluable advice, kindness, and patience. This wouldn't exist without you.
> 
> In this chapter, Sam and Steve have a brief discussion about Sam being trans that contains an oblique reference to Sam's genitals, but no specific terminology is used.

They’d been spending most of their time at Sam’s place, but now that the cat was out of the bag, Steve invited Sam to hang out in the Tower a few days later. Natasha might decide to conveniently swing by for some reason _completely_ unrelated, but at least Tony was out in California at the moment.

It was a good night — a very good night. Steve attempted to cook dinner, and then gave up and ordered some pizza, but Sam didn’t seem to mind. Natasha did drop in while he was there, of course. She said she needed to borrow a cup of sugar, but she didn’t bring a measuring cup or leave with any sugar. Steve was a little offended that she hadn’t even attempted to be subtle, but Sam thought it was hilarious.

She stayed long enough to put a dent in their pizza, get Sam to tell her about his family, and team up with him against Steve in Mario Kart (which he thought was particularly unfair considering he was terrible at video games despite his enhanced reflexes and coordination). 

“I approve,” she told him when she cornered him in the kitchen at one point. “You can keep him around.”

“Gee, thanks, Natasha. I really appreciate that.” His voice was dripping with false earnestness.

“You’re welcome,” she replied, punching him in the shoulder on her way out.

“She’s terrifying. I like her,” Sam told him later, after Natasha had left. They were sprawled out on Steve’s couch, a basketball game on TV in the background. Steve had wanted to watch baseball, but Sam had won — apparently playoffs trumped preseason, even if it was an inferior sport.

“Of course you do. You’re an adrenaline junkie.”

“Look, just because I think volcano boarding in Nicaragua would be an excellent vacation doesn’t mean I’m an adrenaline junkie.”

Steve just raised an eyebrow at him.

“Shut up. You thought it sounded cool, too.” Sam tried to kick him, but Steve grabbed his foot and started tickling him and soon enough they had knocked the coffee table out of the way and were wrestling around on the floor.

Sam was strong and he didn’t make it easy, but Steve had the serum and eventually got Sam pinned under him. They were breathing heavily and Sam was still trying to wriggle out of Steve’s grip.

Steve had never really gotten to be a teenager, at least not the way modern-day kids got to be, but if the 80s movies Sam had made him watch were any indication, he thought he might have some idea what it felt like now. Looking down at Sam, he felt like all of his emotions were off the charts; as big as it was, he couldn’t believe his body could actually contain all of them.

His grip softened and Sam took advantage, flipping them over so that Steve was pinned beneath him. Steve grinned like a fool, then burst into joyous laughter. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt this light; he wasn’t sure he ever had.

Sam was looking at him like he’d lost his mind. “What’s so funny?”

Steve shook his head. “Nothing. Everything. I don’t know.” He ran a hand up Sam’s arm, playing with the edge of his t-shirt sleeve. “I’m just....happy.”

“You sound surprised.”

“I kind of am.”

Sam shifted so that he was lying on his side next to Steve, still close enough that Steve could feel the warmth of his body. Steve put a hand behind his head and looked up at the ceiling. 

“It’s taken some getting used to, being back. And it’s not like I was particularly happy before then.” Sam put a hand on his chest; the weight of it was comforting, grounding. “Things were fine, but you…” 

He turned to look at Sam. “You make things a lot better than fine.”

There was a mix of emotions in Sam’s eyes that Steve couldn’t quite parse, but he leaned down and kissed Steve. “You make things a lot better than fine, too.”

Steve gripped the nape of Sam’s neck and pulled him in for another kiss. The last one had been short and sweet, but this one lingered, getting deeper and wetter and more desperate. Sam shifted closer and slid a leg over one of Steve’s. Steve lifted his thigh as Sam rocked against him, making him let out a small gasp.

Steve looked up at him, fingers rubbing against the edge of his hairline. “Stay?”

Sam stilled above him. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. If you want.”

“Oh, I want.” Sam grinned, kneeling back to allow Steve to sit up. Steve kissed him again, nipping playfully at his bottom lip, then stood up. He offered Sam a hand and led him into the bedroom.

“Hey, JARVIS, can you dim the lights for me?”

The light softened, until the room appeared like dusk on a summer evening. They undressed slowly, watching each other as every new inch of skin was exposed. Steve tried to swallow, but his mouth had gone dry. Sam was so beautiful; he wasn’t sure he was even breathing anymore. 

Sam crossed his arms in front of him and looked away, and Steve realized he’d been staring.

“You’re so handsome,” he said quickly, stepping forward into Sam’s space. “I can’t believe how lucky I am.”

Sam rubbed the back of his neck with one hand and shoved at Steve’s chest with the other. “Shut up.”

“Nope.” Steve took Sam into his arms and dotted kisses all over his face as he spoke. “You’re gorgeous. And funny. And kind. And strong. And gorgeous.”

“You said that one already.”

Steve pinched his nipple, making him gasp. “And you don’t take any of my shit.”

He brought his hand to the side of Sam’s face and stroked his bottom lip with his thumb. “And you’re so, so good.”

“Okay, okay,” Sam gave in and kissed him, smiling into it. “Can we go to bed now?”

Steve pulled the covers down and they both climbed in, tangling their legs together in the middle. Their kisses turned heated again, and eventually Sam rolled onto his back and pulled Steve on top of him. Steve was aching, and the noise he made when Sam’s hips rocked up against his felt too loud for the room.

He broke the kiss for a moment. “Um, I’m not sure...I’ve never…” Steve sighed and dropped his head against Sam’s chest with a groan.

Sam laughed. “You’ve never what? Had sex?”

Steve looked up and rolled his eyes. “I’ve had sex before, Sam. I’ve just never, um...I don’t know how to word what I’m trying to say.”

He looked up at Sam, begging for forgiveness with his eyes. Sam cupped his cheek, thumb stroking across his cheekbone.

“You’ve never slept with a trans man before?”

“Right,” Steve replied, feeling a bit sheepish.

“What about a cis woman? You and Peggy ever...?”

Steve smiled wryly. “Maybe if we had had more time, but we never quite made it all the way around the bases.”

Sam laughed at that.

“What?” Steve protested. “That’s the analogy, right?”

Sam pulled him up for a kiss. “Yeah, that’s the analogy. It’s just funny hearing it from you.”

“Whatever,” Steve grumbled. Sam kissed him again, and again, and he relaxed into it and soon enough they were right back where they had been.

Sam took his hand and guided it to where he wanted it. “You might be new at this, but you’re a smart guy, Steve; I bet you can figure it out.” 

 

Later, when Sam was collapsed on the bed, wrung out and panting, he assured Steve that he had, indeed, figured it out. 

They lay there for a while, enjoying the afterglow. Eventually Steve got up to get a washcloth and cleaned them both up. He got back in bed and Sam cuddled up to his side, under his arm with his head resting on his chest. He dragged his hand gently up and down Sam’s upper arm and enjoyed just being close to Sam. 

Steve had meant what he said earlier; his life before Sam had been fine. He had had a team and some of that team were even becoming people he could call friends. Tony may have known exactly how to press all his buttons — and enjoyed doing it — and Natasha may have been a cipher much of the time and Bruce may still have had all his anger issues, but they were making things work. Even Clint with his strange side-jobs in Bed-Stuy and Thor with his...everything were becoming something like family.

But Sam...Sam was different. The Avengers still often saw him as Captain America first. And that made sense — that was who they had met first and who they worked with most often, so he didn’t really blame them for it. But with Sam, he could just be Steve. Sam was so curious, always asking questions — and not about the war, but about growing up in New York in the 20s and 30s, about the work he had done for the WPA, about his time in art school.

He was kind, too — they didn’t go out often since they were still keeping things quiet, but whenever they did, Sam treated everyone they interacted with as if they were the most interesting person he had met that day. Whether it was a vet on the street or a waitress who seemed frazzled, he took time to look at them and really see them, then direct them to his friends at the VA or leave an over-the-top tip just to make them smile.

“Hey Sam?” he asked softly. Sam just hummed in response. “I, um...this might be...I know this is still pretty new, but…”

Fuck, he was bad at this.

“Spit it out, Steve,” Sam mumbled.

“I think I might love you,” he blurted out.

Sam looked up at him, eyes glittering in the darkness. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

He smiled. “Well, I think I might love you, too. Let me sleep now, and I might be more sure.”

Steve chuckled and kissed the top of Sam’s head, and they finally drifted off to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Continued thanks to my betas and to the squad for their constant encouragement

Steve spent as much time as he could with Sam over the next few weeks, although it wasn’t nearly enough to satisfy him. He knew it wasn’t realistic and wouldn’t always be like this, but he felt like he could spend every moment with Sam for the rest of his life and never get tired of him.

When they were both in New York, Sam liked introducing him to new things. They usually stuck to hole-in-the-wall places — small cramped restaurants tucked into side streets, often without even a clear sign over the door. Steve did convince Sam to go with him to the MoMA once, where he was pretty sure Sam spent more time looking at him than at the art.

Unfortunately, between Sam’s travel schedule and Steve’s missions, they were apart more often than they were together. They texted when they could, but it was mostly pictures of dogs they saw on the street or goofy selfies in nondescript hotel rooms, not the sustained conversation Steve was craving.

(Occasional sexting didn’t hold a candle to actually having Sam in bed with him, either.)

But Sam was supposed to be back that afternoon and Steve found himself whistling as he got out of the shower and went to the kitchen to make some coffee.

Where he found Natasha sitting at the island, eating a bowl of cereal.

“Do you mind?” he asked. Natasha looked up and scanned him where he stood with just a towel around his waist. 

“Nope,” she said simply, and went back to eating her cereal and scrolling through something on her tablet.

“You better not have finished off the Lucky Charms.” He got the coffee started and then went to check the pantry. He sighed, and resigned himself to the box of Captain Crunch.

Natasha wrinkled her nose slightly. “You have the worst taste in cereal.”

“Then why are you here eating it?”

She just smiled and took another huge bite of Lucky Charms.

“Whatever.” He poured himself cereal and a cup of coffee and sat down across from her. “Is there an actual reason you’re here, beyond thievery?”

Before she could say anything, Tony burst in.

“Good morning, Cap! How’s it hanging?” He came around the corner and saw Steve, then clapped his hands over his eyes. “Whoa there, I didn’t actually want to know the answer to that. How about you go put some clothes on?”

“You’re the one in my apartment, Tony. What do you want?”

Tony put his hand down. “Fine, fine, fine.” He reached for Natasha’s tablet. “May I?”

He clicked around for a few seconds, then slid the tablet across the island to Steve. On the screen was a picture of him and Sam walking down 6th Avenue, smiling at each other. The LOVE statue had been captured in the background, and Steve actually would have really liked the picture if it wasn’t for the fact that he had no idea who had taken it.

“Where did you get this?”

“I keep an eye on things. Well, JARVIS keeps an eye on things and then tells me about all the interesting juicy bits.”

“Has anyone else seen it?”

“Just me, JARVIS, the photographer, and the person he tried to sell it to.”

“Fuck. He tried to sell it? Why?”

“You’re a popular guy, Capsicle. People want to know about you. Especially if you show up with another man and hearts in your eyes. Especially if that man is Sam Wilson.”

Steve bristled. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Tony started to answer, but Natasha elbowed him, hard. “Nothing, Steve. Just that people are curious about you and if you two keep being this obvious, something is going to slip by eventually.”

Steve scoffed. “I thought nothing slipped by you.”

She crossed her arms and glared. 

Steve looked back down at the picture and had to acknowledge she had a point. He’d been wearing his normal nondescript outfit for when he went out and didn’t want to attract attention, but the day had turned overcast, so he wasn’t wearing his sunglasses. It was strange to see the naked emotion on his face, but he couldn’t deny it was there.

“Sorry,” he said, getting a small nod in return. He turned to Tony. “This one’s not getting published, though?”

“Not unless you want it to. Which, incidentally, could be very lucrative for you, if you decided to do that. I know some people who would pay top dollar for some high quality photos of the both of you. Completely tasteful of course, nothing scandalous — just walking around, looking disgustingly happy, like in this one. Although if you were open to something more scandalous, I also know people who —”

“Goodbye, Tony.” Steve cut him off.

“Fine, fine,” Tony said, hands up in surrender. “I’ve got somewhere to be anyway. Rhodey’s testing out his new suit today.” 

Natasha steered him towards the door. She whispered something to him that made him laugh, but Steve was more interested in the picture still sitting in front of him. He looked up when he heard the elevator ding.

“Hey, Tony,” he called out. Tony turned back. “Thanks.”

Tony gave him a salute. “No sweat, Cap. Have a good one.”

Natasha came back to the kitchen.

“What do I do?” he asked her.

She shrugged. “Talk to Sam. Come up with a plan.”

Steve trusted that she could see herself out and went to go get dressed.

 

He was trying to read _Invisible Man_ while waiting for Sam to arrive, but the usually-engrossing book couldn’t keep his attention. He was practically vibrating out of his skin.

“Captain,” JARVIS’s voice rang out overhead. “Mr. Wilson is on his way up.”

“Finally!” Steve threw the book onto the couch and launched himself over the back of it, which was admittedly a bit ridiculous. He was bouncing in front of the elevator doors when they finally opened and probably looked like a deranged puppy or something. 

“Sam!” He pulled him into a hug and held him tight.

Sam chuckled. “Well, hello to you, too. Miss me?”

Steve kissed him. “So much.”

“You’re ridiculous,” Sam said, cupping the side of his face.

“Eh, you like that I’m ridiculous.”

“True. I’m not sure _why_ I like it, but I do.”

Steve kissed him again, then finally let go of him so they could move out of the entryway. Sam pulled his messenger bag over his shoulder and set it on the kitchen island, then collapsed onto one of the stools.

“Tired?”

“Very. I love my team, but I’m so glad to not be surrounded by a ton of people for a little while. Plus jet lag ain’t no joke.”

Steve turned to grab him a beer out of the fridge. “Yeah, sure isn’t.”

Sam narrowed his eyes at him. “You don’t get jet lag, do you?”

Steve felt his face flush and shoved his hands in his pockets, leaning awkwardly against the counter behind. “Um, I don’t actually need very much sleep, so...not really, no.”

“Man, fuck you.” Sam took a swig of his beer. “You are such an asshole. You probably never get a crick in your neck from sleeping on a plane, either.”

Steve grinned slyly. “You angling for a neck rub?”

Sam smiled back. “I wouldn’t say no.”

“You want some dinner first, or did you eat?”

“Is it dinner you cooked, or dinner you ordered?”

“There’s some leftover Thai from the other night, jerk.” Steve threw a dishtowel at him. “Go sit on the couch. I’ll heat it up for you, then you can it eat while you catch up on Jeopardy.”

“Aw, you recorded it for me?” He came around the island, pulled Steve into a hug, and kissed his temple. “You’re the best.”

“I am, aren’t I?”

“Watch it — if you’re not careful, you’ll start to sound like Tony.”

Steve wasn’t sure exactly what his face was doing, but his horror must have been obvious because Sam cracked up laughing.

 

After Sam had eaten and Steve was rubbing his shoulders, he brought up the photo.

“So, um, somebody took a picture of us when we went to the museum last week.”

Sam didn’t seem surprised, just leaned his head back to look up at Steve from where he sat in front of him on the floor.

“Really? I didn’t hear anything about it.”

Steve shrugged and continued kneading the knots in Sam’s back. “JARVIS caught it and Tony kept it from getting out. I just...Natasha suggested...I mean, I thought that we should, um, talk about what would happen if we didn’t catch one.”

“Hmmm.” Steve waited while Sam thought. “Well, it’s not like I’m exactly in the closet, but what about you? You ready to tell the world?”

“I haven’t been trying to keep it a secret. It’s not my fault people assume shit about me.” He sounded petulant, but Sam just laughed.

“True.”

“What about the attention, though? You okay with that? Will your team be okay with that?”

Sam waved off his concerns. “They’re pros; as long as I at least give them a warning they’ll be fine. And it’s not like it’ll be all that different.”

“I don’t know, Sam. People who see me as more of a symbol than a person...they can be real assholes when I’m different than they expect. I don’t want to make you a target for them if we can avoid it.”

Sam turned around to face him then. “Steve. I’m a black gay trans man...I’ve never not been a target.”

Steve looked down at his hands and nodded. Sam knelt up in between his thighs. “I like that you want to protect me, take care of me. It’s sweet. But I can handle it.”

“I know you can.” Steve looked up at him. Of course Sam could handle it; he just shouldn’t have to. 

Sam grabbed his chin and shook him gently. “I can see you clenching your jaw in righteous fury already. We want the world to change, baby, not to burn to the ground. Let’s just keep doing what we’re doing until the right opportunity comes along. Then we can go public and anyone who doesn’t like it can go fuck themselves.”

“Alright.” Steve pulled him in for a kiss. “Can I actually tell them to go fuck themselves? Like, on national television or something?”

Sam laughed and kissed him again. “I’m gonna leave that one up to _your_ team.”

He stood up and pulled Steve up after him. “Now, come on. I want you to fuck me until I collapse so that I can sleep for 10 hours.”

“And then wake up and return the favor?” Steve kept hold of his hand and followed him down the hall.

“Mmmm...maybe. If you earn it.”

“I missed you so much.”

Sam grinned at him over his shoulder, a smile that sent light and warmth spreading through him, slipping into every crevice of his soul.

“I missed you, too.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Halloween!
> 
> I upped the rating for this one, although it's still basically fade-to-black. I just figured better safe than sorry.
> 
> Thanks as always to my betas, gothlumberjack, tetrodotoxinb, and barisax-prophet - y'all are the best. If the hand-wavey plot bits in the chapter bug you, that's on me, not them.
> 
> And thanks to Emily for naming the laser tag room :)

Steve was at his kitchen table, surrounded by various brochures and information packets when Sam arrived.

“I am so excited about this, you don’t even know. I’m gonna be bragging about his for _weeks_.”

Steve looked up, grinning at Sam’s exuberance. 

“It’s just laser tag, Sam.”

“It is _not_ ‘just laser tag.’ ‘Just laser tag’ is a 10-year-old’s birthday party. _This_ is laser tag designed for the Avengers by Tony Stark.” Sam noticed the mess on the table. “What’s all this?”

“Remember when we were out last week and saw all that damage left over from the Chitauri attack?” Sam nodded. “Well, I know Tony’s been funding a lot of the rebuilding, but it made me want to see if I could get involved in a more hands-on way.”

He shuffled through the papers, attempting to straighten up at least a little bit before they went down to The Killing Floor, as Tony insisted on calling it. He looked up to find Sam staring at him, head tilted and a small smile on his face.

“What?”

Sam leaned down and kissed him. “You’re a good man, Steve Rogers. You know that?”

Steve felt his face flush and shrugged off the compliment. “Well, you’re the one who pointed it out. I probably never would have noticed if it weren’t for you.”

“Nah, I bet you would have. I will take credit for getting you to go out and have fun though,” Sam teased. “And speaking of fun, let’s go!”

He tugged Steve off of his seat and began dragging him toward the elevator. Steve just laughed at let him.

When the doors opened, they were greeted by a very, very enthusiastic Tony.

“Welcome to the The Killing Floor!”

“Are you really gonna keep calling it that?” Steve asked.

“Does it offend your delicate sensibilities, old man? Because in that case, yes.”

Steve crossed his arms and glared at Tony, who just laughed at him and slapped his upper arm.

“You’ll get over it.” He turned to Sam. “Now, Mr. Wilson, I don’t think we’ve been officially introduced. Tony Stark.”

Sam shook the hand Tony offered. “Mr. Stark.”

“Please, please call me Tony. You got Mr. Serious over here to actually smile on a regular basis, so you’re practically family. In fact, I have a present for you. Come this way.”

“Tony,” Steve said, a note of warning in his voice.

Tony waved him off. “Oh, calm down. I’ll give him back to you safe and sound. Go find Natasha and get suited up.” He put an arm around Sam’s shoulders and dragged him away. “You were pararescue, right?”

Steve sighed, but left Tony to his devices and went to grab his gear.

When they returned, Sam was wearing a pair of metal wings and hovering a few feet off the ground. 

“Steve! Steve, look! He made me an actual wingpack!” Sam flew around him in a small circle, clearly having the time of his life.

“What the fuck, Tony?” 

Tony drifted over in his suit, smirking. “What? You can’t expect the guy to go up against a bunch of superheroes without a little help, do you?”

“What if he gets hurt?”

“He’ll be fine, Cap. Now let’s pick teams and get this show on the road.”

They split into their teams — Steve, Sam, and Natasha against Tony, Thor, and Clint (Bruce opted to sit this one out, citing actual work he needed to do, and Rhodey was out of town on business for the military) — and got started. The Killing Room was part laser tag room, part obstacle course and Steve had to admit it was really, really fun. He could also see using it as a more formal training exercise, but tried to put that out of his mind and just relax.

After multiple rounds, they called it quits and headed to common floor to eat dinner. It was loud and raucous and Steve was filled with joy at the way Sam fit right in and got along with everyone, which was something Steve hadn’t even realized he’d been worried about until it wasn’t a problem. 

After dinner the went back to Steve’s apartment, where Sam immediately collapsed onto Steve’s bed with a groan.

“Oh my god, I’m so tired. My abs are gonna kill me tomorrow. And probably for the whole week.”

“Aw, did flying around in circles tire you out?” Steve teased, crawling over him on the bed.

“Dude, I was basically holding a plank the entire time I was up there! You try that and then tell me you wouldn’t be tired.”

Steve smirked and started to tell Sam exactly how long he could hold a plank, but Sam cut him off. “Nope. Don’t even tell me. I don’t want to hear it.”

“How about I kiss it all better then?” He played with the hem of Sam’s shirt, slowing pushing it up to expose his stomach. Sam shifted under his touch and Steve’s mouth watered at the sight of him. He kissed the soft skin of Sam’s belly, occasionally scraping gently with his teeth, dragging his nose through the trail of short dark curls leading down to under Sam’s sweat pants.

He paused, slipping his fingers just under the waistband. “You want?”

“Yes, yes, I want.” Sam lifted his hips so Steve could slip his pants off, groaning with the effort. Steve worked his way back up Sam’s legs slowly, until he got within reach and Sam grabbed the back of his head and pulled Steve to where he wanted him.

“So bossy,” Steve said, grinning, before leaning down to lick him. Sam moaned beautifully, and Steve went to work wringing more and more of those sounds out of him.

 

The next morning, Steve was woken up by an urgent mission alert. Sam rolled over and grunted at the noise.

“I gotta go.” He kissed Sam in an apology, then scrambled out of bed to get dressed, leaving Sam under the covers. When he came back from the bathroom, Sam was sitting up, draped beautifully in the sheets. Steve wished he had time to stay and draw him.

He had one shoe on and was looking for the other when Sam spoke.

“So, before you go, the New York premiere of _Falcon_ is next weekend.”

“Oh yeah?” Steve answered, most of his attention still on finding his other shoe. 

“Yeah. I know we talked a little while ago and decided to wait, but this is...well, I want you there, so um, do you, uh...do you want to go with me?” Sam sounded nervous.

“Sure.” Steve finally found his shoe under the bed and sat down to put it on.

“Yeah?” Sam looked surprised. “It’s a pretty public event. I mean, it’s not the Oscars or anything, but there’ll definitely be cameras. Shouldn’t you at least consult your PR team or something?”

Steve shrugged. “I know we were gonna lay low for a while still, but our relationship is gonna come out sooner or later. This sounds like a good opportunity to choose for ourselves, rather than have it sprung on us.” He finished tying his shoe. “Besides, since when do I worry about what the PR team tells me to do?”

“Very true. But they’re just trying to do their jobs; you should at least do what you can to not make it harder.” 

Sam was right. Steve may not like being handled, but Kendra and Itzel really did take good care of him. At the very least, they never put him up on stage in tights.

“Yeah, okay, I’ll give them a heads up. But I’m not asking for permission.”

“You wouldn’t be Steve Rogers if you did.” Sam stepped in between Steve’s knees, leaned down, and kissed him fiercely. “I love you.” He grinned. “Also, you said ‘come out’ earlier.”

Steve shook his head while Sam laughed. “I love you, too, asshole.”

Steve stood up and pulled Sam into another kiss.

“I don’t want you to go,” Sam groaned, gripping Steve tighter.

“It should be a short mission. I’ll be back before you know it, and we can figure out all the details for the premiere then.”

 

Steve had fully intended to call the PR team and give them plenty of warning, but the supposedly short mission turned into such a clusterfuck of a mission that Steve was worried he would miss the premiere all together.

He checked in with the rest of the team and helped them get patched up, then finally had a minute to call.

“Avengers Public Relations, Miguel speaking.”

“Hey, Miguel, it’s Steve.”

“Captain Rogers! Good to hear from you! We just saw some of the footage from Marseille — is everyone alright?”

“Yeah, we’re all fine. Look, I’m sorry, but I really need to talk to Kendra. Can you put me through?”

“Oh, I’m so sorry, she’s out of the office today.”

“Fuck.” Steve rubbed his forehead. “What about Itzel?”

“Let me see...she had a meeting a little bit ago that she thought might run long, but I think she’s back. If not, you can just leave a voicemail.”

“Okay. Thanks, Miguel.”

“No problem, Captain. Glad everyone’s safe.”

Steve listened to the phone ring and cursed again when the voicemail picked up. He left a message telling Itzel what was going on and apologizing profusely for the lack of warning. He still felt a bit guilty — he really didn’t want to make things harder for them — but actually making it to the premiere on time was a much bigger concern at the moment.

Steve was on the ramp of the quinjet before it even finished lowering, jumping the last couple of feet to the landing pad and then sprinting into the Tower and to his apartment. He managed to shower and dress, but his hair was still a bit damp when Sam texted to let him know he was downstairs.

He rushed down to the lobby, ready to apologize for not being quite as together as he would have liked, but he stopped in his tracks when he saw Sam.

Sam’s suit was a deep purple that complimented his skin perfectly. The cut of the jacket framed his broad shoulders and his thighs looked fantastic. Steve couldn’t decide if he wanted Sam to never wear anything but that suit, or if he wanted to tear it off him immediately.

As if that wasn’t enough, the afternoon sun was slanting through the large windows, bathing Sam in warm, golden light as if heaven was shining down on him. Steve almost expected to hear a chorus of angels singing.

“Might want to pick your jaw up off the floor, there, Cap.” Tony’s voice shook Steve out of his stupor. He was with Natasha, both of them looking like they had barely recovered from the mission.

“What are you two even doing down here?”

“We wanted to see you off on your big date,” Natasha said innocently, which made the hairs on the back of Steve’s neck stand up. Before he could push, Sam came up and interrupted them.

“Steve, we’ve really gotta get going.”

“Yeah, yeah, sorry. Let’s go.” He took Sam’s hand and they headed out towards the street.

“Have fun! Make good choices! Don’t do anything I would do!” Tony shouted after them. Steve flipped him off without even bothering to turn around.

Steve was surprised again by the limo waiting for them at the curb, driver holding the door open for them. He climbed in after Sam and sat down across from him.

“What’s with the car? Was this your idea?”

Sam unbuttoned his jacket and picked at a piece of lint on his pants. “Well, it is a movie premiere. We can’t exactly show up on the back of your motorcycle.”

“True.” Sam continued to fidget, so Steve leaned forward and took his hand. “You look amazing, by the way.”

“Yeah?” Sam looked up at him like he somehow didn’t quite believe it. 

“Yeah. That color is fantastic; no one’s even gonna notice me next to you.”

Sam let out a small laugh. “Pretty sure people are gonna notice.”

“Good.” Steve squeezed his hand. “Then they can all be jealous that I’m the one who gets to be with you. And the one who gets to take it off of you later.”

“Quit it.” Steve thought he saw the color deepen on Sam’s cheeks. 

The theater wasn’t far from the Tower, and soon enough they turned a corner and Steve could see people lined up along the street, crammed in behind the barriers.

Sam cleared his throat. “So, before we get out, I need to say something. I wanted to do this earlier, but you were gone and PR didn’t get to brief you.”

Steve tore his attention away from the spectacle outside the window. Sam sounded serious and was fidgeting with his jacket again. “Yeah?”

“When we get there, the press might say some things to me, or ask me some questions that you don’t particularly like, but I need you to remember that this is _my_ job. I’ll handle it the way I want to handle it, and I don’t need you rushing in and giving anyone a lecture, okay?”

“Huh?” Steve was confused. Why would the press say anything to Sam? Surely there would be more interesting people for them to talk to at a movie premiere. The car was slowing to a stop and the noise outside increased to a dull roar. He peered out the window.

“Steve, do you understand? Can I trust you to let me handle it?”

The door opened and the driver popped his head in. “We’re here, gentlemen, and I’m told you need to exit right away because we’re running a bit late.”

Sam climbed out of the car and Steve followed him. The crowd was cheering and cameras were flashing and Sam was...waving at everyone. And looking back at Steve with his brow furrowed, apparently still waiting for a response to his last question.

Steve looked around. His boyfriend’s face was everywhere, and there was a giant banner three stories high with a full body shot of Sam in tac gear with a mechanical wingpack, looking gorgeous and heroic.

Oh. _Oh_.

“You’re...you’re _in_ the movie.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks as always to my betas for all their help and advice.
> 
> As this chapter likely makes obvious, I have only a vague idea of what happens at movie premieres. I did some cursory googling, but mostly just made everything up. Sorry not sorry :)

“You’re...you’re _in_ the movie.” Steve gazed up at the giant poster, slackjawed.

Sam looked at him, incredulous. “Well, yeah, Steve. This is the project I was finishing up when we first met. Why else would we be going to the premiere?”

“I...I don’t know...I thought you had just gotten tickets because you were really excited or something. Fuck, I’m an idiot.”

“Yeah, pretty much.” Sam pinched the bridge of his nose. “Look, I need to go to work, and I need _you_ to smile and look pretty and not punch a reporter if they ask me something you don’t like. Okay?”

Steve was still pretty confused about how he had missed all of this, but the worry in Sam’s eyes was more important. “I can do that. I promise.” He glanced over Sam’s shoulders at the red carpet and all the cameras pointed at them. “Can I kiss you?”

For a second, he worried that Sam would say no, that he wouldn’t want Steve to kiss him, but Sam breathed a sigh and the corner of his mouth tilted up in a half-smile. “If you don’t mind it ending up plastered all over the internet, neither do I.”

So Steve wrapped a hand around the back of Sam’s neck and pulled him into a kiss. He kept it short — they were in public, after all — and then tugged Sam into a hug so he could whisper in his ear.

“You’re gonna be great. Go get ‘em.”

Sam smiled at him again, more sincere this time, and squeezed his hand. “Thanks.”

And then he turned around and went to work. It was amazing watching him. His smile was turned up even higher than normal as he shook hands and posed for selfies with fans. He worked his way down the carpet with apparent ease, fielding questions from reporters and cracking jokes that made everyone in earshot laugh.

Steve did as Sam had asked and stayed in the background. He noticed a few cameras on him from time to time and a number of fans in the crowd had obviously recognized him, but most of the attention was on Sam and the other stars of the movie who had arrived.

As they approached one particular reporter, Steve noticed Sam tense up, almost brace himself. The reporter was a white man with slicked back hair who oozed entitled mediocrity; Steve decided he hated him. He listened in more closely, careful to stay out of the way as promised.

“Sam Wilson! Congratulations on the premiere!” His exaggerated smile made Steve want to punch him in the teeth.

“Thanks, Chad. We’re all really excited to be here and to finally get to share this film with everyone.”

“I’m sure it’s gonna be a blast. We’ve all heard mostly good things from the early screenings, but I’ve gotta ask — do you have anything to say about some of the less positive responses? Specifically the ones that seem to consider your casting to be Hollywood pandering for the sake of publicity or political correctness run amok?”

What the fuck kind of question was that? Steve shoved his hands in his pockets and turned to scan the crowd, hoping to find something to distract him from going over and doing something he would regret.

Sam just laughed at the question, although Steve could tell it was fake. “Well, Chad, everyone’s gonna have their opinions. Most of the conventional wisdom seems to think it’s too risky to cast someone like me in a role like this, so I’m not sure it would work very well as a publicity stunt.”

Damn, Sam was a really great actor. Steve could hear the steel in his voice, but Chad just laughed along.

“Honestly, I’m just grateful for the opportunity and hope that my performance is strong enough to stand on its own,” Sam continued. “I had a lot of fun making this movie; it’s exactly the kind of role I dreamed of playing back when I was just a little kid running around in my backyard making up stories in my head. I just hope everyone has as much fun watching it as we had making it.”

“And I’m sure we will.” Steve turned back towards them, figuring that it was it, and they could finally move on, but Chad kept going. 

“One more question, if you don’t mind.” Sam gestured for him to continue. “While you’re outspoken about much of your personal life, you’ve been pretty quiet when it comes to romance — do you have anyone special with you tonight?”

“You’re right, I do keep that quiet.” Sam winked, smiled, and didn’t say anything else. Chad wished him good luck again and they moved down the line. Steve was a little disappointed Sam hadn’t mentioned him, but also really glad that Chad wasn’t going to be the one to break the news.

A few reporters later, someone asked him again if he had brought a date, but this time the reporter was younger, obviously less practiced. Steve thought Sam would give the same response, but he surprised him.

Sam turned on that megawatt smile that Steve was realizing he reserved for the cameras. “Well, I’m pretty sure some of your colleagues caught us getting out of the car earlier, so I guess I can go ahead and tell you. I’m here with my boyfriend tonight.”

The kid looked shocked that they had gotten a response, and a bit flustered over what to ask next. “Oh, wow! Your boyfriend! You want to introduce him?”

Sam laughed. “Well, you guys probably already know him.” Sam turned and waved him over. “Steve, you wanna come say hi?”

Steve walked over and Sam wrapped an arm around his waist. He smiled at the reporter. “Hey there — I’m Steve.”

The reporter was clearly flabbergasted, looking from Steve to Sam and back to Steve, but gathered themselves quickly. 

“Cap — I mean, Steve! Nice to meet you. Are you looking forward to seeing the movie?”

“I am! I know Sam and everyone else has worked really hard and I can’t wait to see it all pay off on the screen.” 

“If you don’t mind my asking, how did you two meet?”

Sam fielded the question. “Well, we were both trying to be inconspicuous in a coffee shop, and ended up wearing basically the same outfit. This guy used it as an opening and I let him get away with it cause he was blushing and I thought it was cute.”

Steve was pretty sure he was blushing again. “I’d actually seen him a few times before that while I was out running, but that was the first time I had worked up the courage to talk to him.”

“ _You_ had to work up the courage?” the reporter asked.

Steve laughed. “Look, aliens and Hydra are one thing. Romance is a whole different ballgame.”

Sam squeezed his waist. “You did alright.”

Steve looked over at him and rubbed his hand up and down Sam’s back. “I must have — you’re still letting me hang around.”

There was a flicker of something in Sam’s eyes, but then it was gone and he was back to smiling at Steve and the reporter. Sam thanked the reporter and kept Steve close as they moved into the theater.

“Why them?” Steve asked.

“Hmm?”

“Why them and not _Chad_ or someone else?”

“Oh.” Sam let go of Steve’s waist once they were inside. “I recognized the logo on their mic — they’re from a YouTube channel that specializes in LGBTQ entertainment news. All of their reporters and staff are part of the community. I figured I would give them the scoop.”

Steve nodded, but didn’t get to respond further before they were being ushered into the theater. Steve was taken directly to their seats while Sam went to the front with other members of the cast and crew for a Q&A before the film. Steve took the opportunity to text Natasha.

_Why didn’t you tell me???_

***smirk emoji***

**__** _Thanks a lot._

There was a lot more he wanted to say to her, but he didn’t want to spend the whole time texting and appear like he didn’t care about what was going on. The Q&A was entertaining — Sam and his costars clearly had strong chemistry and they spent most of the time cracking jokes. Things did get a bit emotional when one audience member — a teen who was there as a contest winner — told Sam about how much his work had inspired them and given them the courage to come out as nonbinary. Sam was visibly moved, and even got up to give them a hug after they were finished.

Eventually, it was time for the actual movie to start. Sam slid into his seat next to Steve, and Steve took his hand.

“Sam, this is all so cool. You’re amazing.”

Sam looked down at their hands. “Thanks.”

Sam kept his hand in Steve’s until about halfway through the movie when he pulled away and crossed his arms in front of him. Steve looked over, concerned, but Sam’s gaze was fixed on the screen, his face stoic.

The end of the movie garnered cheers and applause from the crowd, and then Sam was back in his element at the after party, chatting and laughing with his colleagues and their guests. Steve stayed close, bringing Sam food and drinks occasionally and chatting awkwardly with the other partygoers. Sam was definitely better at this than he was.

By the time they left the party, Steve could see Sam beginning to crack around the edges. It had been a long day, and almost certainly a stressful one for Sam, and he must be exhausted. On the curb waiting for the car, away from the eyes of everyone at the party, Sam stood at a distance, not touching or even looking at Steve.

The car pulled up and they climbed in, sitting across from each other. Steve opened his mouth to tell Sam how great he had been, how much he had enjoyed the movie, but before he could say anything, Sam stopped him.

“Don’t. Just don’t. I need to think.”

They sat in silence as the driver took them back to Sam’s place, and stayed silent during the elevator ride, and as they walked down the hallway, and as Sam unlocked the door and walked into the apartment. Steve followed him to the kitchen and leaned against the doorframe, watching as Sam sat heavily at his kitchen table. 

He finally spoke. “I think maybe this was a mistake.”

Steve’s stomach dropped. “What was a mistake?”

“Going public. I didn’t have time to think about it in the moment, but now...I don’t know.”

“Are you...what are you saying, Sam?”

Sam leaned back in his chair and loosened his tie. “I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m saying. I don’t know how any of this happened. I mean, fuck, Steve — we’ve been dating for months and you had no clue what I do for a living?”

“You never said!”

“Well forgive me if this sounds arrogant, but I kinda figured you already knew! I’m the first trans man to play the lead in a major action film — it’s a pretty big deal!”

“It is, you’re right, it absolutely is. I should have known.” He paused, not sure if he should continue, but he’d never exactly been one to back down. “But Sam, you _never_ talk about work.”

“Neither do you!”

“Because you know what I do! And you know the last thing I want to do when I get done with a mission and get through debriefing is talk about it more.”

“And I thought you knew what _I_ do, and that you understood that the last thing _I_ want to do after spending days — or weeks — gritting my teeth and putting on a smile, and dealing with all kinds of racist and transphobic bullshit — that I can’t do anything about without risking my fucking career — is talk about it more!”

Sam was standing now, angry, and Steve had nothing to say.

“For fuck’s sake — did you never notice that my apartment is pretty fucking nice for a New York apartment? How did you think I could afford this?” He gestured around him, and his hands moved like they wanted to hit something.

“Sam — I live in Avengers Tower and my knowledge of regular New York apartments is limited to yours and what I’ve seen on TV.”

Sam laughed harshly. “Fine, I’ll let you have that one. But Jesus, Steve, what have we been doing all this time?”

“I can’t speak for you, but I’ve pretty much just been falling in love with you. I know I fucked up and I know I can’t fix it, but I also know that I love you. So much.”

Sam lowered his eyes, avoiding Steve’s gaze. “How can you love me if you don’t even know who I am?”

“I _do_ know who you are, Sam. Maybe I didn’t realize who you are to the rest of the world, but I know _you_.” He could hear the desperation tinging his voice, but he plowed forward anyway. 

“I know that you call your mom every Sunday afternoon and read stories to Jody over Facetime whenever you get the chance. I know that you like to feed the ducks in Central Park and that you make sure to give them those special pellets from the pet store instead of bread. I know that you see people, really _see_ them in a way that almost nobody does.”

His voice cracked. “I know the way you feel in my arms and the sounds you make when I touch you and the way my body feels like it could triple in size and still not contain all the things I feel when I’m with you.”

Sam didn’t say anything, just kept staring at the floor with his hands in his pockets. Steve could feel him slipping through his fingers and had no idea how to stop it from happening.

“I get that I messed up. This is obviously a huge part of your life, and I missed it. I’m sorry. But Sam, I care about you so much. What you do for a living doesn’t change that.”

Sam nodded. “Yeah, okay. I just — I need...I need some time.”

Steve wanted to grab him and hold on tight and never let him leave, but he shoved the impulse down. “Sure. Whatever you need. I’ll just...get out of your hair.” He turned to leave, but paused at the door. “Can I...can I text you?”

Sam finally looked at him and nodded. Steve waited a beat to see if he would say anything else, but he didn’t.

“Okay.” He opened the door, paused one last time. “I love you, Sam.”

Just before the door closed behind him, he heard Sam’s voice, smaller than he’d ever heard it before. “I love you, too.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to everyone who helped me with this one. I had a lot of fun writing it.

Steve waited a few days before texting Sam. 

_Your episode of Law and Order is terrible_

He hit send and tossed his phone onto the coffee table, trying not to get his hopes up about a quick response. That didn’t stop him from diving for it and nearly falling off the couch when it buzzed a few minutes later, though.

**Why are you watching that???**

_It was next on the list_

**What list?**

_The one jarvis made me of everything you’ve been in_

The three dots appeared and disappeared a few times, but Sam didn’t send anything.

_I particularly enjoyed that cell phone commercial_  
_A+ on the muscle gain since then_

**Omfg no. no no no.**

_You were great!_

**I can’t believe you watched that ffffuuuuck**

_I’m gonna watch everything. I want to see every last second of footage._

***blushing emoji***

Sam didn’t say anything else, so Steve put his phone down and went back to watching the show. The episode really was terrible, but even though he knew very little about acting, he could tell that Sam had talent. His part was small, but he filled it with life and emotion, and not in the overly dramatic way some of the other actors did.

Steve felt like an asshole all over again. Sam was _brilliant_ and he had completely missed it. He wanted to throw himself at Sam’s feet and grovel, beg forgiveness for his myopic focus on their relationship and disregard for Sam’s life outside of it. He wanted to send flowers and hire skywriters and give press conferences, whatever it would take to convince Sam of the sincerity of his apology and his willingness to pay whatever penance was required.

What Sam had asked for was time, though. Time and space. So all Steve could do was sit on his couch and try to be satisfied with the image of Sam on the television screen. And hope that he would continue to answer Steve’s texts.

JARVIS interrupted his thoughts. “Sir, Ms. Romanov is requesting access to your apartment.”

Steve sighed. “Yeah, okay.”

He didn’t bother to get up or pause the TV when the elevator dinged. Natasha paused at the edge of the living room.

“Law and Order?”

“Sam’s in this episode.” 

“Ah.”

“I have a lot to catch up on, apparently.” Steve couldn’t keep the venom out of his voice, although he didn’t actually try very hard to.

He hadn’t thought Natasha could look embarrassed, but she did now. “We thought you’d figure it out sooner. And definitely not at a large public event.”

“ _We?_ Who else knew I was clueless?” He remembered the wingpack Tony had made Sam when they played laser tag, the one that he now realized was modeled after his outfit in the movie. “Tony. Of course. Was everyone else in on it too?”

The idea that the whole team had been laughing at him burned him up inside. Did they really respect him so little? Was he still just a joke to them, the man in the spangly outfit with no real knowledge of the world? He’d thought they were building something together, that they were making their own kind of family — had he just been deluding himself?

Natasha sat across from him on the coffee table. “Steve, no. It wasn’t like that. Clint and Bruce thought you knew, and I’m pretty sure Thor had no idea who he was beyond his relationship to you.”

“So just you and Tony, then. Poking fun at the clueless old man. You two always do enjoy knowing so much more than everyone else.” He could see the dagger hit its mark.

“Steve—”

“Just go.”

She hesitated, but then stood up to leave. She paused again at the edge of the room. “I am sorry, Steve.”

He kept his eyes trained on the TV and didn’t respond.

 

Steve should have felt guilty about snapping at Natasha, but missing Sam was an ache inside him like he hadn’t felt since he first came out of the ice and there didn’t seem to be room inside him for anything else.

He still did his job — led training exercises, attended briefings, even conducted a mission — but he did it on autopilot. He didn’t join in when the rest of the team joked around and he skipped the post-mission dinner in favor of returning to his apartment alone.

He’d made it through all of Sam’s work within the first week after the premiere; his career was gaining momentum, but it had still been an uphill battle and most of his parts were small. He couldn’t stop going back and rewatching his favorite bits and pieces though, occasionally texting Sam his thoughts on a performance or reactions to an interview he had given. He would send him other things a well — small snippets of his day, a picture of a dog he saw on his run, an “I miss you.”

Sometimes Sam would answer, sometimes he wouldn’t. He only initiated a conversation once, after Steve had given a press conference and was asked if he’d like to comment on his newly-public relationship. He’d simply acted confused, as if he didn’t understand why it was newsworthy, and told them no.

**Nice job with the reporters you little shit  
I know how much you like seeing them flustered**

**__** _Yeah  
Wasn’t as much fun without getting to laugh with you after though_

Sam didn’t respond to that one.

Steve was in the middle of rewatching one of Sam’s movies when JARVIS informed him that Natasha was requesting access again. It was the one with the boxing robots, which he had initially chosen to rewatch because of the scene where Sam was wearing a leather vest, but which also made him uncomfortably emotional for reasons he couldn’t quite put his finger on.

He wasn’t in the mood to deal with Natasha and told JARVIS to tell her he was busy.

“I’m sorry, sir, it appears that Ms. Romanov has overridden that command.”

The elevator dinged and Steve paused the TV and stood, ready to give Natasha a piece of his mind, but when the elevator doors opened, she wasn’t alone.

“Brought you something.” She winked, and shoved Sam out of the elevator and towards Steve. “You boys be good.”

The doors closed and then Steve was alone with Sam. He looked good; tired, but good. Gravity seemed to shift, pulling every atom of his body towards Sam, but he held himself in place.

Sam turned away from the closed elevator doors and the corner of his mouth tilted up into a half-smile. “That woman is terrifying.”

“Yeah, she certainly can be.” 

Sam looked around and Steve was suddenly acutely aware of the state of his apartment — the nest of blankets on the couch, the take-out containers strewn across the living room and kitchen, the dishes piled up in the sink. And he wasn’t much better, considering he hadn’t bothered to shower or put on real clothing that morning.

“Um, can I get you anything? Glass of water? Uh...I might have a beer left in the fridge?” 

Sam just shook his head. “You know, when a terrifying assassin appeared in my apartment informing me that I had broken Captain America, I thought she was exaggerating.” Sam came a few steps closer. “But you really are a mess, aren’t you?”

“Sam…” It came out plaintive and desperate, and Steve probably should have been embarrassed, but all he could think about was how Sam was almost close enough to touch now.

“You were an idiot, and I’m still angry about it, but Natasha told me a bit about the role she played and how it wasn’t completely your fault.”

“But still, I—” Sam put up a hand to cut him off.

“You were also right. You may have missed a pretty big part of my life, but you _do_ know me. Just like I know who Steve Rogers is when he isn’t being Captain America.” Sam paused, then looked up at Steve from under his eyelashes. “Also, I miss you. A lot.”

Hope expanded, a fluttering in Steve’s chest. “I never wanted to hurt you, Sam.”

“I know.” Sam sat on the couch and gestured towards the TV. “What are you watching?”

“Um, your movie. The boxing robots one.” Sam eyed him knowingly, and Steve felt his cheeks flush.

“You like the leather vest, huh?” His blush deepened and spread. “I’ll have to remember that.”

Sam pushed play and the movie started up again. Steve was still standing awkwardly in the middle of the living room, unsure of what he was supposed to do.

“You gonna stand there all day, or are you gonna come sit with me?” Sam smiled up at him.

Steve nearly tripped over the coffee table in his eagerness, but it made Sam laugh, so it was worth it. He settled in the corner of the couch, leaving some space just in case. Sam rolled his eyes and shifted so that he could lean back against Steve, pulling Steve’s arm around him.

“We’ve still got things to work out, you know that, right?” Sam asked.

“Yeah, I know.”

Steve kissed the top of his head and grinned. They watched the rest of the movie like that, Steve relishing the feel of Sam in his arms.

When the credits rolled, Sam was almost asleep, still basically on top of Steve. 

“You gonna stay?”

Sam hummed in response and nuzzled deeper into Steve’s chest. “Too tired to move.”

“Okay.” Steve clicked the TV off and settled back into the couch, closing his eyes as well. He realized that he hadn’t just meant for the night, but it was a good enough place to start. He would start working on getting Sam to stay forever tomorrow.


	7. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the epilogue! I also just posted ch. 6, so make sure you read that first!

“I see you ogling your man there, Cap.” Leila, Sam’s friend and costar, teased Steve during a commercial break. “You were doing the same thing out on the red carpet."

“Have you seen his ass in that suit?” He gestured to where Sam was talking with another friend across the aisle of the Dolby Theatre, bent over slightly in a way that perfectly accentuated said ass. “Can you blame me?”

Leila made an appreciative noise. “Not one bit.”

Sam rejoined them, and Leila leaned over Steve to talk to him. “Nice job presenting — too bad you’re not actually funny.”

“Hey, I’m very funny. Whoever wrote that terrible joke for me to read off the teleprompter is the one you should be talking to.”

Leila laughed, then turned to someone on her other side who had gotten her attention.

“You were great, baby.” Steve leaned in to kiss Sam.

“Thank you.”

“Have I told you yet that you look really good tonight?” Sam was wearing a deep burgundy suit and Steve was having a hard time keeping his hands to himself.

Sam huffed a laugh. “Just a few times, but I don’t mind hearing it again.”

Steve looked around the room full of movie stars and executives. It was fun, as long as he didn’t let himself think too hard about the extravagance of it all. Or about Sam being seated with other presenters instead of up front with the nominees.

“What?” Sam asked, looking concerned. He must have made his displeasure audible somehow.

“You should be up there.” Steve gestured towards the stage and the major stars that were still milling around.

Sam just patted his hand. “We’ve talked about this. The Academy almost never nominates action movies, and definitely never superhero action movies. Awards ceremonies aren’t for the popular box office hits.”

“That’s not how it used to be,” Steve complained. “ _It Happened One Night_ won back in ‘35 and anyone who went to the movies saw that one. And in ‘39 _Gone with the Wind_ and _Wizard of Oz_ were both nominated and they were _definitely_ popular.”

Sam grinned at him fondly. “Well, things have changed, oldtimer. And I’m surprised you kept up with things like Hollywood awards back then — weren’t you a little busy attending socialist meetings and getting beat up?”

“I looked it up,” Steve mumbled.

“What was that? I didn’t hear you.”

“I looked it up,” he said, louder. “People were arguing about it on reddit and someone said the same thing about popular movies so I looked it up.”

Sam shook his head, but he was smiling. “I’ve turned you into a monster. Tony must be really annoyed with me now that you know more pop culture than he does.” Steve shrugged. “And stop getting in fights on reddit!”

“I make no promises.” The music swelled as the show came back from commercial and they lowered their voices.

“At least Mya Taylor got nominated this year instead of another Jared Leto,” Sam said. “That’s a big step forward and one that was a long time coming.”

“True. I still think you deserve all the awards.”

“Well, you’re biased. But thank you; I’ll take the Captain America stamp of approval over a dumb statue any day.”

Steve kissed the edge of Sam’s jaw. “I can give you a stamp of approval right now, if you want.” 

Sam pushed him away laughing. “First, we’re in public and possibly on national television. Second, that barely even made sense.”

Steve grinned. “You knew what I meant, though, so it had to make some sense.”

Sam laughed some more, and Steve took his hand and kissed the back of it. 

“I love you.”

Sam’s eyes were soft and he stroked the back of Steve’s hand with his thumb. “I love you, too.”

Mya Taylor winning best actress was the big headline the next morning, but plenty of websites and tabloids were happy to prominently feature pictures of Sam Wilson and his boyfriend, Captain America, staring sappily at each other as well.

(Steve knew this because all of them were stuck to his fridge with that particular caption highlighted each time it appeared.)

(He left the pictures up until they were replaced by the ones of him proposing to Sam.)

(Sam said yes.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI, Mya Taylor is a trans actress best known for her work in _Tangerine_. Jared Leto won an Oscar for playing a trans woman, which is complete and utter bullshit.


End file.
